HBO’s Gossip Girl Doesn’t Work When the Kids Are Alright | TV/Streaming

“Gossip Girl” focuses on the Julien vs. Zoya and students vs. teachers story lines in these first four episodes, and yes, the kids party, drink, do drugs, go out clubbing, create profiles on hookup apps, visit bath houses, lust after teachers, have sex, and basically run New York City in designer clothes and their parents’ credit cards. But in the years since original “Gossip Girl,” teen programming has caught up; there’s nothing here that hasn’t already been done by HBO’s other series “Euphoria” or “Genera+ion,” and “Gossip Girl” rushes through plot so quickly that it’s difficult to determine tonally where the show is trying to go. Are these teens detestable? Sometimes the series says yes, like when Luna and Monet, in a very “Bring It On” henchgirls moment, offer to attack Zoya (“Should we throw our lattes on her? Turmeric stains forever”), or when Julien’s fans mobilize against Zoya by spamming her online, or when Zoya teams up with a mysterious character connected to the original “Gossip Girl” lineup to poison Julien. 

But these fluctuations seem less like the impact of nuanced character development and more like inconsistent writing and magnified stakes to drive tension on an episode-by-episode basis. In the long term, these choices don’t seem to hold up. Embarrassingly “woke” dialogue doesn’t help (Ms. Keller complaining that the school should be graduating “Barack Obamas, not Brett Kavanaughs”; “I think that privilege ignores the reality of systemic issues,” Obie says while complaining about his parents’ mega-developer billions; buzzwords like “authenticity” and “antifeminism”), nor does overly on-the-nose dialogue (“I’m not just known, I’m influential,” Julien pouts; “Don’t do it for your brand; do it for yourself,” someone advises her). Unlike fellow HBO series “Betty,” which wondered how the effects of the #MeToo movement trickled down on everyday interactions and complicated gender identity, performative femininity, and self-image, “Gossip Girl” treats these elements perfunctorily, like checking off a to-do list. Audrey gives verbal consent before a hookup, check. Julien insists her group doesn’t use peer pressure, check. Not one, not two, but three characters grumble about the patriarchy, check. 

At its best and most familiar, “Gossip Girl” gets savage with fashion- and arts-related digs (like when someone snarks of Ms. Keller, “Wouldn’t [she] be so much happier at Madewell?”, or another character rolls their eyes at the mention of the musical “Hamilton”), and Doherty is the only person who seems to be treating this material with the absolute ludicrousness it deserves. The show needs more of that identity to sync up with the series we expect because whatever nicer, more responsible version of itself that “Gossip Girl” is trying to be isn’t working. “The only thing that makes a story interesting is how it’s told and who’s telling it,” Gossip Girl writes in an Instagram post; “It’s just gossip. We’re fine. It doesn’t matter. Nobody cares,” Julien says. The latter description of “Gossip Girl” feels more right. 

Four episodes screened for review. Gossip Girl premieres on July 8 on HBO Max.